July 23, 2018

Wow, I cannot believe it’s been almost three years since I have posted on here.

I believe writing is an art form. I also believe that some of the best art comes from times of turmoil. I can’t necessarily speak for anyone else but the times in my life where my creativity has been the best, was when I was at my worst. My best photography, drawings and writing all happened during periods where life was the roughest.

Art in any form is a way to escape reality. To get lost in something. To express yourself in a way that masks what’s really going on. To make those you share that art with, believe that everything is okay even when it’s not or to take the attention off of your physical being. To feel a little more connected and normal when nothing in your life really is. I think that’s where I was subconsciously when I started my blog over three years ago.

I wasn’t in a healthy place; physically, mentally or emotionally.

I still hear moms voice in my head saying, “you’re going to end up as a Lifetime movie one day and its not going to end well.”

I’ll spare the details of how I ended up in a relationship that got me to that unhealthy state, but I will say it took a toll on me. Physically I had gained probably almost 30 pounds. I never weighed because ignorance is bliss. Mentally and emotionally I was broken. To mask that, I started my blog. If I blogged about all the good food I ate, the weight wasn’t for nothing. If I was writing about how awesome life appeared to be, the outside world wouldn’t notice the physical or mental deterioration. Granted at the time I was enjoying most of my life, it was a rollercoaster ride of ups and downs. Denial about might come next.

When it finally came to an end I looked at myself disgusted with what I saw. Disgusted with what I had let my body become and the situations I had gotten myself into. Thankfully my job allows me to escape pretty easily, so I took the first opportunity I could! I put in my transfer to Chicago in April 2016 and made the move by July.

Moving to Chicago was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. For the first time in years I had nothing holding me back and I was learning how to put myself first. I was finally able to get in a routine (as much routine as any flight attendant can have anyways) and a goal. Instead of leaving my hotel room on layovers with the only intention of finding local eats; I was leaving my hotel room to head to the gym or the nearest running trail.

All that being said, my mental health was up and my need for a creative outlet went down. I had intentions of sharing my Chicago experience, my fitness transformations, my travels, etc. I just didn’t have the drive. Not to mention people loved my food stories and posts, so stories about clean(er) eating and workouts didn’t sound as appealing. So I unintentionally took an almost three year hiatus from my very short lived blog.

My intentions this time around are more for personal accountability. I intend (strong emphasis on intend) on finally becoming more consistent with my writing. I’m in a completely different place in life and mentally than I was three years ago, and even the next year in Chicago. I’ve been in a bad place, I’ve been in a good place and now I just kinda feel in place.

I want to keep myself more accountable with working out again, with setting a goal like writing or reading daily and sticking to it, with just being a better and more productive human being over all. I’ll probably fail. I’m human. We set goals and we fail, we make plans and we fail. The goal isn’t to be perfect, just be better…starting here.

So for anyone who manages to read thru my long winded rambling, feel free to inspire me with more subjects to write on! My year living in Chicago, my fitness journey, and as always FOOD!, are just a few topics I plan on going more in-depth on in the near future but suggestions are always welcome! See y’all in my next post! That hopefully doesn’t take three years to get published on here. 🙂